self-contained contentedness

that's my goal, really. at times I manage it, and at others I get off-kilter again.

so my little bit of reality looks like this tonight: I'm sitting at my computer, in a little room that, at least for a while, is my own, and I'm catching snatches of other people's lives, fleeting notes of passing conversation or floating peals of laughter drifting in from further away. I have had my own conversations today, have talked, laughed, pondered, been still, and cried. I have sat out in the middle of the world and not seen anything but my own thoughts, and I have sat inside my little realm while the smallest patch of the outside world has brought itself to my attention. I have fasted, feasted, listened and prayed. There has been cause for celebration in every moment, some of which I missed, but there were others that I saw.

for tonight, my life looks like a life, and one that is being lived.

in this knowledge, I am content.